A teen's party, a parent's dilemma
It's a parent's nightmare: You go out of town for the weekend, your kid hosts a party while you're gone, and something horrible happens. In a case in Broward, a teen was stabbed to death, and while police are busy looking for the killer, there is talk of a civil suit, maybe even charges.
This hits close to home for me. My husband and I have been away and left behind older children -- high school seniors and young college students -- only to return to find out they had hosted "get-togethers" even when we specifically have prohibited it. I remember one particular case when my daughter stayed behind to work while the rest of the family went on a trip. I came home to discover that her little party had been crashed by friends of friends of friends. Result? My fax was stolen, as was some jewelry. The cop who filed the report told me, "It happens all the time."
I'm curious what others think might be a solution.
This hits close to home for me. My husband and I have been away and left behind older children -- high school seniors and young college students -- only to return to find out they had hosted "get-togethers" even when we specifically have prohibited it. I remember one particular case when my daughter stayed behind to work while the rest of the family went on a trip. I came home to discover that her little party had been crashed by friends of friends of friends. Result? My fax was stolen, as was some jewelry. The cop who filed the report told me, "It happens all the time."
I'm curious what others think might be a solution.
posted by Ana Veciana-Suarez at 8:26 AM
Get our feeds
9 Comments:
This is a tough one.
You would hope that, at that stage in their lives, you can trust your kids to do what they were told to do (or in this case, NOT to do) -- but they think they are "slick" and do what they want.
Too many parents are afraid of "hurting" their kids' "self-esteem" and rather trust them than have an adult jump in to make sure that the rules are being followed.
Perhaps, some relative can "drop by" while you are out of town - and make an inspection. You could leave a grandparent or two with the kids to enforce rules also.
I have no problem in letting them know that we expect them to do what we tell them to -- and less problem in checking up and enforcing the rules.
Did you make your kids pay you back for the stuff that was stolen? How did you deal with leaving them alone after that event?
If it were me, I think it would be a LONG LONG LONG time before they were trusted to be left home alone. I would also make sure that they were aware of WHY they have to win back my trust.
Me and my girlfriend have spoken about this before. Although we don't have any kids we felt that kids throwing a secret party w/o parents being home in the first place is an overall disrespect. It's easy to have these "get-togethers," get dirty really fast.
At 15 I threw a house party with about 10 friends. During all this I noticed some people calling more friends telling them to come over.
Just with that action alone I moved the party outside.
Simple common sense; who's going to clean the floor when they leave? And who's going to explain why mom's jewelry is missing?
If a kid can't think with basic critical sense then they don't belong home alone.
Further... indoor/outdoor around-the-clock recorded hidden home surveillance will prevent/solve these problems quickly.
The story reads "who is liable"?????
The other kid who stabbed him IS....Our society is worried about who is going to sue who instead of cathcing the "low life" who stabbed him!!
The story mentioned that someone asked the father if he was going to sue? He is burying a son and that is what he is asked???
It is a sad state of affairs in our town...
Hence the reason why we pay for bloated insurance policies.
There was a similar story on MSNBC
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/13437619/
I mean, common, if anyone is to blame beyond the suspect it's the parents. This case is ridiculous, not only would the case be thrown out but the daughter's parents may be have their custody revoked. As an exaggeration as that may seem even just removing the computers from their household and donating them to less fortunate families with some common sense would also be justifiable.
I saw that MySpace story...C'mon..Parents better take interest in what there kids are doing!!
We are the "blame the other guy" society.
How could MySpace protect it's users?
Ask members for Passport info in profile to see who is realy what age?
It's funny how this lawyer representing this girl most likely would fight MySpace on collecting member data as per ACLU rights BS...
If common sense and good adult sense of jusdgment is lacking or fails, then recent history within our won So. Fla. community should at least give us a clue and a jolt into the reality of these "parties."
A common denominator of parties that end in tragedy seems to be missing parents. They are not present, for a variety of reasons, giving way to total freedom to the teens--no parameters.
I have 2 sons in college. They are responsible young men who were taught, at an early age, that we are accountable for our behavior and actions. When this is not taught and adhered to, it's difficult to expect this to magically happen, especially in the teen years.
Teaching kids by example can have remarkable results. However, the results can go in either direction--good or bad. How we behave as parents teaches volumes to our kids, who are, not only watching us, but also looking up to us.
We never left our kids alone at home overnight. Overnight pleasure trips included them. Evenings out as a couple always meant that the grandparents would come and stay with us; the same would apply if we needed to make an overnight trip. Our sons were raised this way and they loved having their grandparents over because that mean "crazy times" anyway. Today, they look back to those days with fond memories.
What happened at the Sunrise party is, above all, a tremendously sad tragedy. Pointing fingers to find fault now is too little, too late.
Yet with most experiences, there is something positive to learn:
Let's not, as parents, open that window of opportunity for our kids to see themselves with instant, short-term freedom and "I'm on my own feeling" because we are going to be away for a weekend...or longer. This window of opportunity can easily turn into a recipe for disaster, which can just as easily be prevented by us.
Responsible parenting requires, among other things, making personal sacrifices.
It would be interesting to conduct a survey of the "out-of-town without kids" parents and see what the purpose of the trips are. Are they necessary, are they fun get-aways? Whatever the case, make arrangements for an adult to stay at your home.
Many parents carry the mantra of "I'm entitled to have a life, too" in order to justify any and all their actions. Although, I agree, once you choose to have children, your choices and decisions must be judicious. They must also provide good examples for your children to one day follow. When children repeatedly get left out of their parents plans, they begin to search for alternate ways of belonging. Extremely dangerous.
You can't just run amuck and then expect your kids to be perfect citizens of the world. It's not within the realm of reality.
I know that this is a litle off topic, but going from young people to elderly people
I really need you to see this about my mother and how she was separated from her husband of 59 years and abused for financial gain
ElderAbuseHelp.Com
Lack of interest from the parents and kids running wild. I have a niece that stayed back home while parents went on their yearly Christmas Holiday- girl decided she could be trusted.... Lord and behold 9 month later.... a baby girl is born ... and parents are wondering how did it happen. Duh,,,,,
Post a Comment
<< Home